life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
