drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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