In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
