Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
