I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
