So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
