Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
