Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
