Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
