If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pants are for mortals
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize