Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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