Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
