A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
How's work?
Spinning.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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