Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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