Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
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I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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