I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
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I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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