I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
