Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
