my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
