I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
