I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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