It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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