Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
