Is it because I queefed?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
