oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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