I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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