Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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