your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
