i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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