I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
