Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
