pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
