I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize