I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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