We're facebook friends in real life
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
