Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
