Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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