That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
