From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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