Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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