He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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