I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
