my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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