member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
