There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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