It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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