I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
