Where is the hickey?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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