and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
