Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
