This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
