On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
