I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
