So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
