I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
just found out that she named her cat after me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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