i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
