Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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