So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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