It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I could make wine with my vomit
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We need to rekindle our bromance
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
