everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
