Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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