Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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