An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
