I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
